RAPE

 Sexual assault is never okay. Although some survivors may stay silent for years before sharing their stories, the act is in no way shape or form acceptable.

In the past, however, the subject seemed to be overlooked. Many women were subjected to being sexually harassed and assaulted by men who felt as though they were in the right and looking to gain positions of power

Sadly, years went by with a society that would rather brush things under the rug than face these wrongdoings head-on. Without support, even powerful women fell to the silence that follows a sexual assault.

The world today is changing, but unfortunately, sexual assault is still happening every single day. People are beginning to talk about it more but it is still not reaching a point where there is a solution.

As long as sexual harassment and assault continues to happen, and as long as people out there still think it is even slightly okay, then everyone is still in danger of this happening to them.

We need to listen to survivors when they gather the unspeakable amount of courage it takes to speak up and say "me too." We need to fight for the people who can't fight for themselves. Something has to be done to make a change.

Overlooking sexual assault is not okay — trying to make it disappear and knowing about it while not doing anything about it isn't going to change anything. We are humans and all deserve to be treated with respect.

They Might Be Thinking:

Nobody will want to be with me now. 

I’m afraid my partner won’t want to be with me any more.

I’m afraid my partner will be really angry and try to retaliate.

I’m afraid to be by myself or go out by myself.

I’m afraid people won’t believe me. 

I’m afraid people will think I did something to encourage my attacker. 

I’m afraid people will think I didn’t do enough to prevent it. 

I’m afraid to go to the police to report the incident. 

I’m afraid I’ve waited too long to report the incident.

Do I need medical care?

I don’t want to have to re-live this.

Should I tell my family?

I’m afraid my attacker will come after me again. 

Why did this happen to me?

I feel so ashamed that this happened to me. 

I’m worried I might be pregnant. 

I’m worried I might have contracted an STD.

Will I ever feel normal again?


Words That Might Be Encouraging:

You have my unconditional support. How can I be here for you during this time?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

Don’t give up. Take it day by day. 

You didn’t do anything wrong.

You didn’t deserve this and it wasn’t your fault. 

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

You are not alone.

I believe you.

I care about you.

Thank you for confiding in me. 

I’m here to listen if you want to talk about it, but it’s okay if you don’t. 

You have options. 

Your feelings are valid. 

You are not a victim; you are a survivor. 

You survived, so obviously you did the right thing.

I haven’t heard from you for a few days and wanted to check in. Are you doing okay?

It’s your decision whether you file a police report, but I will be with you every step of the way if you decide to move forward. 

I can’t imagine what you are going through. Would you be open to going to therapy/a support group for survivors of sexual assault?

Would you like me to drive you to your therapy session/support group meeting?

Words That Might Be Discouraging:

What exactly happened?

You’ll feel better if you talk about it. 

You shouldn’t have been there by yourself.

What were you wearing? Was it too suggestive?

You shouldn’t have been drinking. 

You should have known better.

Are you sure he/she assaulted you? He/She seems like such a nice person!

I think you’re overreacting. 

Maybe he/she was drunk.

What if you are pregnant?

I told you that person was no good. 

It’s pretty common for something like this to happen during a date. 

It’s not rape if you were on a date/are married. 

Why didn’t you say something sooner?

Why didn’t you run/scream/fight back?

I understand exactly how you feel. 

It happens to a lot of people; it’s not that big of a deal. 

At least it wasn’t worse. (Avoid all statements beginning with, “At least …”)

That happened to another friend of mine and he/she is fine now.

Just don’t think about it. 

In order to heal, you should forgive and forget. 

Have you forgiven your attacker yet?

It’s time to move on.

Are you over it yet?

I can’t believe you didn’t go to the police afterward. 

If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger. 

I don’t believe it. 

You have to file a police report. 

You have to join a survivors' group/go to therapy.

You have to tell your family/partner.

You should take self-defense classes.

You should move.

Tips for Talking with Survivors of Sexual Assault

It’s not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted, especially if they are a friend or family member. For a survivor, disclosing to someone they care about can be very difficult, so we encourage you to be as supportive and non-judgemental as possible.

Sometimes support means providing resources, such as how to reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline, seek medical attention, or report the crime to the police. But often listening is the best way to support a survivor.

Here are some specific phrases RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline staff recommend to be supportive through a survivor’s healing process.

“I believe you. / It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.” It can be extremely difficult for survivors to come forward and share their story. They may feel ashamed, concerned that they won’t be believed, or worried they’ll be blamed. Leave any “why” questions or investigations to the experts—your job is to support this person. Be careful not to interpret calmness as a sign that the event did not occur—everyone responds to traumatic events differently. The best thing you can do is to believe them.

“It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do anything to deserve this.” Survivors may blame themselves, especially if they know the perpetrator personally. Remind the survivor, maybe even more than once, that they are not to blame.

“You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.” Let the survivor know that you are there for them and willing to listen to their story if they are comfortable sharing it. Assess if there are people in their life they feel comfortable going to, and remind them that there are service providers who will be able to support them as they heal from the experience.

“I’m sorry this happened. / This shouldn’t have happened to you.” Acknowledge that the experience has affected their life. Phrases like “This must be really tough for you,” and, “I’m so glad you are sharing this with me,” help to communicate empathy.

Continued Support

There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support.

Avoid judgment. It can be difficult to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of sexual assault for an extended period of time. Avoid phrases that suggest they’re taking too long to recover such as, “You’ve been acting like this for a while now,” or “How much longer will you feel this way?”

Check in periodically. The event may have happened a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Check in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.

Know your resources. You’re a strong supporter, but that doesn’t mean you’re equipped to manage someone else’s health. Become familiar with resources you can recommend to a survivor